He is a GOOD GOOD God!

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Hello everyone,

It has been a while, but praise be to God, I am well, I am whole and I am here in Him and Him alone! Hallelujah!

God is so very good. I was reading the last post I wrote and boy was I in the midst of the valley. So much fear and uncertainty with regards to my health and not knowing if I’d make 40. It sounds dramatic, but my body was doing some crazy things. It was in all of this, that God really instructed me to slow down, take care of myself, watch what I eat (I was doing really well with this, but have started to slip, mainly because of lack of time to meal prep, constant exhaustion and end of term, but I’m trusting God to help and guide me through) and seek Him continuously through prayer and staying in His word. It is not easy. Being a single mother of three is hard guys…but only with God is any of what I do possible and He always makes a way when there seems to be no way…Here I am now, 40 plus two months eeeek…..blood pressure under control, palpitations gone, lots to look forward to with church, friends and family and who knows, maybe God might even surprise me with His best for me in the form of a mighty man of God some time soon. No pressure though God, all in Your sweet timing…..

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The harvest….

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In two days I am 40…FORTY..wow! There have been times in the last few months I’ve felt as though I’m not going to make it to this significant milestone.

Storms in the face of more health challenges have been testing my faith once again…high blood pressure, heart palpitations, the emergence of lumps… my confidence has been knocked, but thank God for Jesus who has the final say.

As I walked through the valley I cried out to God to heal me, to reveal to me what I needed to do to fight the battles I was facing. In His unending mercy and kindness He has led me to the foods of the earth He has blessed us with. I’ve changed my diet. More raw foods, green smoothies, seeds, nuts, water…More unwinding; baths with bath salts and candles, more pampering myself, loving myself, protecting myself….I’m noticing a difference, praise God and I feel more in control of my health, rather than being at the mercy of healthcare professionals who are quick to prescribe medication I don’t want to be on. Thank God for revealing the root of my issues and the natural remedies that are well within my grasp to help heal my weary soul.

As I walk ever closer to my 40th year. I praise God for the seeds He has allowed me to sow. Now I must wait patiently for the harvest. Have Your way Lord.

Embracing the wait…

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The Lord is pressing upon me to share the experience I had in church yesterday, so I’m being obedient and posting straightaway…..The message was so powerful! I believe I’m on the cusp of a huge breakthrough so of course I’m coming under attack. Cue feelings of breathlessness, palpitations, anxiety. The adversary is such a liar…BUT THANKS BE TO JESUS WHOSE PRECIOUS BLOOD BREAKS EVERY CHAIN!!! Hallelujah!!

So, I was on the worship team and we had a tremendous time of praise and worship. I was bought to my knees and in floods of tears as we ministered ‘Worthy is the Lamb’ … the words just pierced through my heart and soul – here are the lyrics;

“Thank you for the cross, Lord

Thank you for the price You paid

Bearing all my sin and shame

In love You came

And gave amazing grace

Thank you for this love, Lord

Thank you for the nail pierced hands

Washed me in Your cleansing flow

Now all I know

Your forgiveness and embrace

Worthy is the Lamb

Seated on the throne

Crown You now with many crowns

You reign victorious

High and lifted up

Jesus Son of God

The Darling of Heaven crucified

Worthy is the Lamb

Worthy is the Lamb”

My word! I was in pieces as I bowed down in awe at the majesty of My Lord and Saviour King Jesus! And the revelations didn’t end there….

The message centred on waiting and the fact that the Lord is the only one who pays you for your wait. Waiting is painful, it’s a battle, but in the midst of the wait He is preparing us for a glory that is unimaginable. There is purpose and power in waiting on the Lord. Our labour is NEVER in vain when Jesus is at the centre and despite the enemies ploys to discourage, depress and push us towards unbelief, we must stand firm on the promises of GOD. We must not look to the left or to the right to see what the Lord is doing or has done in the lives of others, but keep our eyes focused on Him and what He wants to perform in and through us. He is a Covenant Keeper and a Way Maker, we need to do our part and keep holding on. He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. Hebrews 11:6

Stay encouraged dear friend! There is a harvest to be reaped in His perfect time.

Trusting Trials

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It’s been a while friends. Everything and yet nothing has changed….if that even makes sense.

Everything has changed in regards to me being in a new season. But nothing has changed because I’m still having to lean on my God wholeheartedly and trust that His ways are higher than mine. Hallelujah!

Just writing these words is giving me the clarity I have longed to see for some time. I’m currently in a season where the Lord has positioned me to achieve some things on my own, of course He is always with me, guiding and providing, but through these new set of circumstances, He is actually pushing me to lean upon Him MORE in this season…I didn’t think I could possibly depend upon Him more than I already am. But the amazing thing is, He is ushering me to trust in Him in a way I have never really had to before. He is deepening my walk with Him!!! *weeps*….. Wow! He is indeed a kind and loving, miracle working God.

I have struggled to see it until now, but the trials I am currently going through are another way for Him to change and purify another aspect of my character for His glory. Don’t get me wrong, trials are hard. They have a tendency to cause worry and anxiety to rise up, BUT GOD!! He knows these traits are not of Him and so He sends situations our way, that cause us to cast all our fears, our worries and concerns upon Him, because He is GREATER than them all!! Trials allow Jesus to demonstrate that He is who He says He is! Our Provider, Healer, Comforter, Saviour, Protector, Guide, Saviour and Friend.

Thank You for the trials Lord!

“Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.”

‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭4:12-13‬ ‭KJV

Hardened hearts….

It’s been a while friends and as always, this momma has been in over her head…but GOD…

I’ve been stirred up to write this post because I’ve been finding it hard to control my flesh of late. Being a Christian is not easy. At. All. And I’m finding that being in very close proximity to people challenges me immensely. I’m finding that I’m surrounded by non believers and in all honesty, I’m tired of having to be the one who is the bigger person and turns the other cheek. All. Of. The. Time.

In the six years I’ve been saved, turning the other cheek is all I seem to do, I’m sure God sees differently and I know by turning my cheek, God is glorified, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling completely down trodden. What makes it worse is that those who I extend grace to, never seem to acknowledge the grace I’ve extended and I’m always left feeling as though I’ve not done enough. I know I shouldn’t be moved by what I see and I know God is probably working in ways I could hardly even imagine because He is God, but I’m TIRED!!!

Pre salvation, I spoke my mind. A lot. If something or somebody was upsetting me, in the main, I spoke up and either a disagreement of some sort would ensue or I was seen as a bully and a big mouth. Now, I find myself biting my (proverbial) tongue until it bleeds, just so as not to cause disharmony and unease. I run to Christ on these occasions and He replaces my rising discontentment with His peace, but when you find yourself in a cycle of continuous suppression of your displeasure, bitterness begins to rise. When you feel as though your constantly being taken advantage of your spirit begins to feel defeated.

That’s where I am now. I feel like a powerless, two faced Christian and I can’t bear it. There is a close circle of Christian friends and one or two non Christian friends who I vent to when the pressure becomes too much, but even that feels wrong. I find myself repenting after every ill thought vacates my mind through my mouth and enters the atmosphere….

Lord help me with this struggle. Help me to see things as You see them. Give me joy in my heart. Renew my mind Jesus. I need You.

The perfectness of God

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Five years.

That’s how long I’ve been single. I didn’t like it at first. It made me feel unattractive, unwanted, unloved. Since the age of 18 my worth had been wrapped up in my relationship status, yet I still didn’t know who I truly was.

For years I stumbled from one situation to another, papering over deep chasms of worthlessness with counterfeit love. How could I expect to receive the love God intended for me when I did not know The One who created it?

My singleness was made all the more crushing this time around because three precious children were now having to live through the consequences of my past ignorance….

BUT GOD…..

Despite the weeks, months and years filled with pain, regret and guilt I can now see how the Lord uses our deepest hurt to produce our greatest healing. I’m so glad He has kept me deeply hidden within Him. For five whole years there has been no man in my life, not a hint. No dates, (well there were three, two of which were with the same person) but nothing of any meaning. Three dates in five whole years? It’s not even worth mentioning, but you know I like to be transparent round here…lol

There have been times I’ve been desperate for the companionship and camaraderie of a relationship. The shared jokes, shared secrets, shared lives, but then God lovingly reminded me that I was not ready. There was much work to be done. I needed to be made whole from the inside out. For my children’s sake as well as my own. I was by no means ready. My children needed their mother and I needed them and together we needed and forever will need Jesus. THE ONE who makes everything perfect in its time. Looking back over the years, I can clearly see that I was definitely not the person God required me to be; that is…..UNTIL NOW!! Don’t get me wrong, there is still work to do, there will always be work to do, but I’m not the person I once was. That woman wasn’t ready at all. But this one is….

Yes you heard me. I truly believe I am prepared for what God now has in store for me. Years ago I thought I had it somewhat together, but God knew. He always knows. I didn’t want to admit it, but deep, deep, waaaayy deep down I was still hoping to be reconciled with my children’s father. I hated myself for it, but my motives for wanting to be in a relationship was to make my ex jealous, shake him up and make him realise he couldn’t bear to see me or his children with someone else. There I said it. I’m not proud of it, but that’s what a hurting heart does. Thank God for His protection and healing, because that’s not my heart condition anymore. Hallelujah!!!

The Lord can rest assured that the man of God He has prepared for me will not be used as a pawn. I have been set free from my past and all the hurt that taunted and broke me. Jehovah Rapha in all of His glorious perfection, has yet again demonstrated that His way is and always will be PERFECT. Nothing is impossible with Him. Not. One. Thing. All Glory to His name.

Practising gratefulness

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It’s been a while for a number of reasons….

Life….

So busy, so tired, so distracted…..BUT GOD….

He really never gives up on me, even when I want to give up on myself. I’m so grateful for who He is. He continues to lavish His love upon me in such a way that requires me to be still and truly focus on all that He has done and is doing in my life.

It’s so easy to look at the big picture and say, well God I don’t have this yet, or this, or this and hey, you’ve clearly forgotten this….but when I allow Him to take me deeper into who He is, I am reminded that I have life in Him, I have health, I have my sanity, I can see, hear, speak and my three children can do the same. I can run, skip and jump, I can shout out a praise to my King and Saviour, Sweet Jesus!!

I can provide for my children, I can drive, I can walk, I can swim, I can rest!! To God be the GLORY!!!

I’m currently on summer break and I’ve officially completed my first year as a qualified teacher!! God is FAITHFUL!!

Next year is a milestone birthday, (the amazing 4-0) and again, it is so easy to buy into the lie that I’m getting old, years have been wasted, I’m not where I should be…LIES….I’m precisely where God wants me to be, in His arms, looking to Him, resting in Him, glorifying Him and teaching my three precious children how to do the same. That is the greatest gift I can give to them, and with Jesus by my side it shall be done.

I’m so grateful. Thank You Lord!

S.E.V.E.N

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My son is SEVEN. My. Youngest. Child. Is. SEVEN. *shakes head in disbelief*

Seven whole years have passed since I gave birth to this sweet, handsome, little boy. Over the years he has grown into such an intelligent and inquisitive individual. He loves playing football and taking part in athletics, he loves to read and recite his time tables, (when reminded of their equal importance to sport…lol) He is such a joy.

Thank You Jesus for my young prince. He is such a blessing to my life, just like my precious daughters. Thank You God for choosing me to mother them. Thank You for giving me a heart that yearns for You, so that I am able to show them what loving You looks like, no matter how imperfect. Thank You Lord, a million times thank You!!

Happy Birthday sweet Elijah!! My little prophet! I love you, but Jesus loves you more!!

An Incomparable life…

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I’m learning to become satisfied with what God has given me.

Since my salvation almost 6 years ago, I feel like I’ve been waiting for a defining moment where God is going to suddenly flick a switch and BAM!! My whole life will be ‘together’…..

…No more singleness, no more having to rely on my parents or family for their companionship and emotional support, no more having to navigate feelings of inadequacy and despair when the mantle of single parenting becomes too heavy to uphold…no more important life decisions to make on my own….

The Lord is revealing to me that the life I am living right now is the one He has called me to live. I must make the most of it and make it count. Singleness may seem hard, but being in a relationship or married is just as hard. No season or situation is without its test. If Jesus Christ is your Lord and personal Saviour, He will never leave you, nor forsake you, so whatever walk of life you find yourself in, high on the mountain top or deep in the valley, He will be there, calling you, shaping you, ushering You into His life giving presence. Hallelujah!!

My life and yours can never be compared to anyone else’s. As a Christian I can see where I have been buying into the lie of what a ‘Christian life’ should ‘look like’. Like many of us, I am forever looking at the ‘happily’ courting and the ‘happily’ marrieds, gazing wistfully at those that travel ‘every week’, have glittering careers, magnificent houses, angelic babies, cute children, the healthiest diets, the most awesome fitness regimes, devotional times, ministries…it’s endless…..

BUT GOD!!

He whispers that I should not be looking at them but at HIM. What He has done in their life He does not want to replicate in mine. He is the God of new things. There is no limit to His power.

“Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.”

Isaiah 43:19

I can not expect my life to follow the pattern of others I am not them. My life and yours are incomparable to anybody else’s. Just because something happened for them, be it good or bad, by no means does this suggest it will happen for me or for you and why should it? I am my own unique person, you are too. We are fearfully and wonderfully made by The One who holds our lives in His hands.

As I get older, I do sometimes mourn the lack of godly love and intimacy that comes from a God ordained covenant. Most of my thirties have been spent battling to undo all the bondage that had entangled me from years of doing things without God. I know this is a process and God’s timing is perfect, but it still gets hard, painful and lonely.

Then God reminds me, the godly love and intimacy I crave can be found in Him. He has been pouring out His love upon me, long before I ever loved Him back. This is what Christ’s love looks like. So as I strive to look more like Him, I must continue to fight the good fight of faith no matter the cost.

Thirty- FINE

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Praise God for another birthday!!!

Praise God for my children, my family and my health…

Praise God for my career and a roof over my head…

Praise God that he’s given me a song in my heart and joy in my soul….

Praise God for His loving kindness and His mercy!!

Praise God for Jesus!

Praise God for Thirty-Fine!! The year of my BREAKTHROUGH!!!

Thank You Jesus!