Rest

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I’m really wanting to hear more from God. There are times in life when you can coast along because nothing major is shaking up your world, so you feel safe and secure. Even in these times we should seek the Lord, but often times we do not. For several years I’ve been living an unsettled life. Frequently I would hear in a sermon or read in the bible or be told by family and friends that I should rest in Christ. I’ve even found myself saying this to others…lately I’ve been wanting to discover what this ‘rest’ actually looks like.

For months and probably years, I’ve perceived rest as doing very little, sleeping in late, not going out, being quiet and staying still, but after a while, although beneficial to a point, I would feel myself becoming anxious because I didn’t seem to be achieving anything….and this is the problem I guess. Just doing nothing is an achievement if that’s something you usually struggle to do…., so this morning, in my quest to feel better about rest and to understand it more, I thought I’d ask the Lord what His rest look likes.

The scripture that sprang to mind was Matthew 11:28-30

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

I’ve read this scripture so often and it has brought me much peace and comfort in difficult times, but I’ve found myself at the point where I no longer want to just read the words, I want to experience the promise in a tangible way, so I asked the Lord how I could achieve this and His response was to pray, which led me to one of my favourite scriptures: Philippians 4:8 – be anxious for nothing, pray about everything with praise and thanksgiving. Wow Lord… There is much worry and uncertainty in my life as I continue to journey along the path of single motherhood, three rapidly growing children, ever increasing needs, wants and provisions that must be met. It gets worrying at times, but Jesus tells me not to worry, but to pray, not to wring my hands in despair but to rest in His loving arms. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen (Hebrews11:1). Even though what I see does not seem to be enough, I need to trust God that He sees what I perceive as my lack, and He will provide all I need according to his riches in glory (Philippians 4:19). His word says that those who trust in Him will not lack any good thing (Psalm 34:10). We must speak His word into our circumstances, we must be honest and bold in our prayers, we must seek Him, lean on Him and trust in Him at all times. This is rest.

2019 – the year that flew by

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Hello everyone….it’s been so long and I’m so sorry. Life has been beautiful as well as challenging and to be honest, knowing what to write about has evaded me…let’s say I’ve had writers block….well until now…

…Sooo as 2019 draws to an end there is much I have learnt and many lessons I want to take with me into 2020, to strengthen and encourage myself as well as you..

Let’s begin…

For me, 2020 has to be year of better planning and organisation. As my children get older, I have found they are becoming much more self sufficient, I have a lot more free time and I’m not using that time productively, so I want to start planning mini projects, trips out, build on my gifts and talents in order to refresh and reinvigorate my spirit.

In terms of health and fitness, I want to work on becoming more motivated to work out and tighten up the soft parts of my body – lol…

By God’s grace I’ll get there… I want to make better food choices so my body is able to work at its optimum…let’s face it I’m not getting any younger, so again by God’s grace and my own willpower and determination, I will get there in Jesus’ mighty and matchless name. Hallelujah!

On the romantic front….things may well be shifting, but after over 6 years of singleness, I’m continuing to walk cautiously and seek God through it all….Watch. This. Space!

He is a GOOD GOOD God!

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Hello everyone,

It has been a while, but praise be to God, I am well, I am whole and I am here in Him and Him alone! Hallelujah!

God is so very good. I was reading the last post I wrote and boy was I in the midst of the valley. So much fear and uncertainty with regards to my health and not knowing if I’d make 40. It sounds dramatic, but my body was doing some crazy things. It was in all of this, that God really instructed me to slow down, take care of myself, watch what I eat (I was doing really well with this, but have started to slip, mainly because of lack of time to meal prep, constant exhaustion and end of term, but I’m trusting God to help and guide me through) and seek Him continuously through prayer and staying in His word. It is not easy. Being a single mother of three is hard guys…but only with God is any of what I do possible and He always makes a way when there seems to be no way…Here I am now, 40 plus two months eeeek…..blood pressure under control, palpitations gone, lots to look forward to with church, friends and family and who knows, maybe God might even surprise me with His best for me in the form of a mighty man of God some time soon. No pressure though God, all in Your sweet timing…..

The harvest….

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In two days I am 40…FORTY..wow! There have been times in the last few months I’ve felt as though I’m not going to make it to this significant milestone.

Storms in the face of more health challenges have been testing my faith once again…high blood pressure, heart palpitations, the emergence of lumps… my confidence has been knocked, but thank God for Jesus who has the final say.

As I walked through the valley I cried out to God to heal me, to reveal to me what I needed to do to fight the battles I was facing. In His unending mercy and kindness He has led me to the foods of the earth He has blessed us with. I’ve changed my diet. More raw foods, green smoothies, seeds, nuts, water…More unwinding; baths with bath salts and candles, more pampering myself, loving myself, protecting myself….I’m noticing a difference, praise God and I feel more in control of my health, rather than being at the mercy of healthcare professionals who are quick to prescribe medication I don’t want to be on. Thank God for revealing the root of my issues and the natural remedies that are well within my grasp to help heal my weary soul.

As I walk ever closer to my 40th year. I praise God for the seeds He has allowed me to sow. Now I must wait patiently for the harvest. Have Your way Lord.

Embracing the wait…

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The Lord is pressing upon me to share the experience I had in church yesterday, so I’m being obedient and posting straightaway…..The message was so powerful! I believe I’m on the cusp of a huge breakthrough so of course I’m coming under attack. Cue feelings of breathlessness, palpitations, anxiety. The adversary is such a liar…BUT THANKS BE TO JESUS WHOSE PRECIOUS BLOOD BREAKS EVERY CHAIN!!! Hallelujah!!

So, I was on the worship team and we had a tremendous time of praise and worship. I was bought to my knees and in floods of tears as we ministered ‘Worthy is the Lamb’ … the words just pierced through my heart and soul – here are the lyrics;

“Thank you for the cross, Lord

Thank you for the price You paid

Bearing all my sin and shame

In love You came

And gave amazing grace

Thank you for this love, Lord

Thank you for the nail pierced hands

Washed me in Your cleansing flow

Now all I know

Your forgiveness and embrace

Worthy is the Lamb

Seated on the throne

Crown You now with many crowns

You reign victorious

High and lifted up

Jesus Son of God

The Darling of Heaven crucified

Worthy is the Lamb

Worthy is the Lamb”

My word! I was in pieces as I bowed down in awe at the majesty of My Lord and Saviour King Jesus! And the revelations didn’t end there….

The message centred on waiting and the fact that the Lord is the only one who pays you for your wait. Waiting is painful, it’s a battle, but in the midst of the wait He is preparing us for a glory that is unimaginable. There is purpose and power in waiting on the Lord. Our labour is NEVER in vain when Jesus is at the centre and despite the enemies ploys to discourage, depress and push us towards unbelief, we must stand firm on the promises of GOD. We must not look to the left or to the right to see what the Lord is doing or has done in the lives of others, but keep our eyes focused on Him and what He wants to perform in and through us. He is a Covenant Keeper and a Way Maker, we need to do our part and keep holding on. He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. Hebrews 11:6

Stay encouraged dear friend! There is a harvest to be reaped in His perfect time.

Trusting Trials

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It’s been a while friends. Everything and yet nothing has changed….if that even makes sense.

Everything has changed in regards to me being in a new season. But nothing has changed because I’m still having to lean on my God wholeheartedly and trust that His ways are higher than mine. Hallelujah!

Just writing these words is giving me the clarity I have longed to see for some time. I’m currently in a season where the Lord has positioned me to achieve some things on my own, of course He is always with me, guiding and providing, but through these new set of circumstances, He is actually pushing me to lean upon Him MORE in this season…I didn’t think I could possibly depend upon Him more than I already am. But the amazing thing is, He is ushering me to trust in Him in a way I have never really had to before. He is deepening my walk with Him!!! *weeps*….. Wow! He is indeed a kind and loving, miracle working God.

I have struggled to see it until now, but the trials I am currently going through are another way for Him to change and purify another aspect of my character for His glory. Don’t get me wrong, trials are hard. They have a tendency to cause worry and anxiety to rise up, BUT GOD!! He knows these traits are not of Him and so He sends situations our way, that cause us to cast all our fears, our worries and concerns upon Him, because He is GREATER than them all!! Trials allow Jesus to demonstrate that He is who He says He is! Our Provider, Healer, Comforter, Saviour, Protector, Guide, Saviour and Friend.

Thank You for the trials Lord!

“Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.”

‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭4:12-13‬ ‭KJV

Hardened hearts….

It’s been a while friends and as always, this momma has been in over her head…but GOD…

I’ve been stirred up to write this post because I’ve been finding it hard to control my flesh of late. Being a Christian is not easy. At. All. And I’m finding that being in very close proximity to people challenges me immensely. I’m finding that I’m surrounded by non believers and in all honesty, I’m tired of having to be the one who is the bigger person and turns the other cheek. All. Of. The. Time.

In the six years I’ve been saved, turning the other cheek is all I seem to do, I’m sure God sees differently and I know by turning my cheek, God is glorified, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling completely down trodden. What makes it worse is that those who I extend grace to, never seem to acknowledge the grace I’ve extended and I’m always left feeling as though I’ve not done enough. I know I shouldn’t be moved by what I see and I know God is probably working in ways I could hardly even imagine because He is God, but I’m TIRED!!!

Pre salvation, I spoke my mind. A lot. If something or somebody was upsetting me, in the main, I spoke up and either a disagreement of some sort would ensue or I was seen as a bully and a big mouth. Now, I find myself biting my (proverbial) tongue until it bleeds, just so as not to cause disharmony and unease. I run to Christ on these occasions and He replaces my rising discontentment with His peace, but when you find yourself in a cycle of continuous suppression of your displeasure, bitterness begins to rise. When you feel as though your constantly being taken advantage of your spirit begins to feel defeated.

That’s where I am now. I feel like a powerless, two faced Christian and I can’t bear it. There is a close circle of Christian friends and one or two non Christian friends who I vent to when the pressure becomes too much, but even that feels wrong. I find myself repenting after every ill thought vacates my mind through my mouth and enters the atmosphere….

Lord help me with this struggle. Help me to see things as You see them. Give me joy in my heart. Renew my mind Jesus. I need You.

The perfectness of God

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Five years.

That’s how long I’ve been single. I didn’t like it at first. It made me feel unattractive, unwanted, unloved. Since the age of 18 my worth had been wrapped up in my relationship status, yet I still didn’t know who I truly was.

For years I stumbled from one situation to another, papering over deep chasms of worthlessness with counterfeit love. How could I expect to receive the love God intended for me when I did not know The One who created it?

My singleness was made all the more crushing this time around because three precious children were now having to live through the consequences of my past ignorance….

BUT GOD…..

Despite the weeks, months and years filled with pain, regret and guilt I can now see how the Lord uses our deepest hurt to produce our greatest healing. I’m so glad He has kept me deeply hidden within Him. For five whole years there has been no man in my life, not a hint. No dates, (well there were three, two of which were with the same person) but nothing of any meaning. Three dates in five whole years? It’s not even worth mentioning, but you know I like to be transparent round here…lol

There have been times I’ve been desperate for the companionship and camaraderie of a relationship. The shared jokes, shared secrets, shared lives, but then God lovingly reminded me that I was not ready. There was much work to be done. I needed to be made whole from the inside out. For my children’s sake as well as my own. I was by no means ready. My children needed their mother and I needed them and together we needed and forever will need Jesus. THE ONE who makes everything perfect in its time. Looking back over the years, I can clearly see that I was definitely not the person God required me to be; that is…..UNTIL NOW!! Don’t get me wrong, there is still work to do, there will always be work to do, but I’m not the person I once was. That woman wasn’t ready at all. But this one is….

Yes you heard me. I truly believe I am prepared for what God now has in store for me. Years ago I thought I had it somewhat together, but God knew. He always knows. I didn’t want to admit it, but deep, deep, waaaayy deep down I was still hoping to be reconciled with my children’s father. I hated myself for it, but my motives for wanting to be in a relationship was to make my ex jealous, shake him up and make him realise he couldn’t bear to see me or his children with someone else. There I said it. I’m not proud of it, but that’s what a hurting heart does. Thank God for His protection and healing, because that’s not my heart condition anymore. Hallelujah!!!

The Lord can rest assured that the man of God He has prepared for me will not be used as a pawn. I have been set free from my past and all the hurt that taunted and broke me. Jehovah Rapha in all of His glorious perfection, has yet again demonstrated that His way is and always will be PERFECT. Nothing is impossible with Him. Not. One. Thing. All Glory to His name.

Practising gratefulness

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It’s been a while for a number of reasons….

Life….

So busy, so tired, so distracted…..BUT GOD….

He really never gives up on me, even when I want to give up on myself. I’m so grateful for who He is. He continues to lavish His love upon me in such a way that requires me to be still and truly focus on all that He has done and is doing in my life.

It’s so easy to look at the big picture and say, well God I don’t have this yet, or this, or this and hey, you’ve clearly forgotten this….but when I allow Him to take me deeper into who He is, I am reminded that I have life in Him, I have health, I have my sanity, I can see, hear, speak and my three children can do the same. I can run, skip and jump, I can shout out a praise to my King and Saviour, Sweet Jesus!!

I can provide for my children, I can drive, I can walk, I can swim, I can rest!! To God be the GLORY!!!

I’m currently on summer break and I’ve officially completed my first year as a qualified teacher!! God is FAITHFUL!!

Next year is a milestone birthday, (the amazing 4-0) and again, it is so easy to buy into the lie that I’m getting old, years have been wasted, I’m not where I should be…LIES….I’m precisely where God wants me to be, in His arms, looking to Him, resting in Him, glorifying Him and teaching my three precious children how to do the same. That is the greatest gift I can give to them, and with Jesus by my side it shall be done.

I’m so grateful. Thank You Lord!

S.E.V.E.N

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My son is SEVEN. My. Youngest. Child. Is. SEVEN. *shakes head in disbelief*

Seven whole years have passed since I gave birth to this sweet, handsome, little boy. Over the years he has grown into such an intelligent and inquisitive individual. He loves playing football and taking part in athletics, he loves to read and recite his time tables, (when reminded of their equal importance to sport…lol) He is such a joy.

Thank You Jesus for my young prince. He is such a blessing to my life, just like my precious daughters. Thank You God for choosing me to mother them. Thank You for giving me a heart that yearns for You, so that I am able to show them what loving You looks like, no matter how imperfect. Thank You Lord, a million times thank You!!

Happy Birthday sweet Elijah!! My little prophet! I love you, but Jesus loves you more!!