My Great Physician

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A week and one day ago I had surgery on my knee guys… the Lord is bringing me through this thing and I am grateful. Every fear, every concern, every worry I lay at His feet and He carried me through. God is so very faithful.

Each day I’m getting stronger and I’m able to do more. The day after surgery was the toughest. The pain was agonising, as the anaesthetic wore off, but after three days of painkillers, the pain and discomfort has dissipated and the Lord has set my feet firmly on the road to recovery. My God is a HEALER. He heals. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. There is absolutely NOTHING that is impossible for my God. I will forever boast in His goodness. Thank You Jesus.

GOD CONFIDENCE 🔥

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If you are a faithful follower of this blog, you will know I had concerns about a lump on my knee which I’ve had for a number of years. You can read about it here.

Well after a hospital appointment and then a referral to an orthopaedic consultant, it was decided that it should be removed. The consultant assured me that it was not the ‘C’ word, but because he was not sure what it is, he said it would be best to remove it, especially since it’s causing me a lot of pain if I knock it, and I’m finding that I move differently to avoid hitting or putting any kind of pressure on it. It’s a miracle that I don’t knock the area on a regular basis, especially since I’m a teacher and I’m in the midst of little ones all day everyday, including my own, ‘not so little anymore’ children. God is truly a protector. WOW. Even as I write these words, I can feel His precious Holy Spirit, ministering peace, protection and wholeness to my soul. It makes me want to weep in adoration and cry out in loud praise all at once. Thank You Jesus.

Of course there’s a flip side. As a single mother who shoulders the majority of the responsibility for my children, the enemy has been having a field day filling my head with thoughts of impending disaster and calamity with regards to this surgery. What would happen to my children if anything were to happen to me? How would they be provided for? Who would take care of them? And the list of fear goes on…BUT MY GOD!!! Pheeeewwww…He is My Strong Tower, My Way Maker and Deliverer. Already He is covering my family day in and day out! Hallelujah! Despite the impending surgery I’m stronger physically than I have been in years. I’m running daily, I can walk, jump, skip, hop, all without pain….And after surgery my cup will continue to overflow. TRIPLE PORTION!! I declare quick healing, strength and JOY UNSPEAKABLE, in the matchless name of my Lord and personal Saviour King Jesus! Hallelujah!! GLORY!!!

It was my birthday two days ago and the years continue to be kind to me. Thank You Jesus. You are so faithful. I am choosing to put all my hope, trust and confidence in You and You only. You are my Champion, my Defence, my Covenant Keeping God any there is none in all the Earth like You. Thank You for up holding me and sustaining me, thank You for sending your angels to surround me and my family and protect us from every danger either seen and unseen. My peace comes from You. Glory to Your most beautiful name forever.

“The Lord shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace.”
‭‭Exodus‬ ‭14:14‬ ‭KJV‬‬

F.L.E.S.H

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When God brings you His best, it is mind blowing. I’m still finding it hard to find the words to fully express exactly what the Lord is doing between my love and I. I’m gushing right now, but it truly feels like heaven on earth, we are both in complete awe of God….

However…..there is the very real battle of sexual desire. We are both on fire for Jesus and we know that sex before marriage is not His plan for our lives. We’ve experienced first hand the perils of indulging in physical intimacy outside of covenant. The brokenness, the emptiness, the despair. We know the Lord’s way is perfect, so we obey Him, because we love Him and want to bring glory to His name. But if truth be known it’s hard….really, really hard.

I’ve been so used to doing relationships the world’s way. Lavishly feeding the desires of my flesh, papering over every red flag with physical acts….we’ve both experienced this worldly way of living. It’s taking much work and wrestling, for us to renew our minds and put boundaries in place. We are in a long distance relationship so we don’t see one another as often as we’d like, this fuels our deep rooted desire to express our love for one another whenever we do see eachother. Lord help us.

We know the Lord wants to take us deeper in our courtship, the type of depth that’s not clouded or driven by physical intimacy. The Lord wants us to truly know each other’s heart, mind and soul. To see and love each other as Jesus Himself loves us. Sacrificial, agape love that is built on the solid rock of The King. Love that withstands every test, tribulation and trial because He is in the centre of it all. Guiding, leading, comforting, revealing.

There is a reason for the wait, despite the frustration it may bring. He deserves our obedience, He deserves our sacrifice. Our flesh can not win because Jesus is the Victor, through Him we are and shall be more than conquerors. His way is perfection. Thank You Lord.

As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him.”

Psalm 18:30

Who are you listening to?

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I’m realising more and more how important it is to have a spirit filled community of believers surrounding you and speaking life over you. I can count on one hand the people in my life who are close to me and are filled with the spirit of God. It’s proving a little problematic.

As I gradually begin to share news of my courtship with friends and family, I’m recognising that the ones who are not in Christ, are responding to my news with words of warning and caution. The fact that my partner and I are placing JESUS at the centre of our love, with much prayer and delving into the word does not register…but that is to be expected when The Lord is not ruler of their lives. When I speak on the things of God, preparation for marriage, no living together or sex before marriage…it’s all met with incredulity and doubt. How is that possible? How will you know if it works? How will you know what you’re getting yourself into? Are you sure? The ways of The Lord really is foolishness to those who are in darkness, but I refuse not to share what the Lord is doing in my life. It’s my testimony of God’s absolute greatness. What I will say, is I am going to be more selective of whom I share with. I want to hear clearly from God as to who will be changed by His spirit after hearing what I’ve got to say. Anything else is a distraction.

Going back to being met with incredulity, no doubt if I were to say, we’re moving in together next week, the sex is on fire, we’re getting married in 5 years time…I’d be met with less resistance. This is how I know the devil is a liar. My God is a trustworthy, reliable and unchanging God. His plans for me and my future spouse are perfect and He makes no mistakes. Of course we are using the wisdom and discernment of God, as well as life lessons learned from past experiences to ensure that our union is built upon the solid rock of Jesus. God deserves all the glory and that is why we have relinquished all control to Him. He knows what He is doing and so we follow His perfect will for our lives and not our own. We listen to His voice and not the worlds.

Whose voice are you listening to?

“He that is of God heareth God’s words: ye therefore hear them not, because ye are not of God.”

John 8:47 KJV

Difficult conversations…

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Sometimes your past can have the power to derail your future if you allow it to. I’m so glad for Jesus who has taken all my sin and shame and washed me as white as snow, but still the shame can rise up and reopen old wounds….especially in the midst of a burgeoning relationship…

As my man of God and I commit to courtship and our love for one another deepens, the Lord revealed to me that it was time for certain things to be said, things I wish I could run from, things I wish did not form part of my story, but I know God will use all of it to get the glory…and so, carefully I shared secrets from the deepest recesses of my heart with the man I believe the Lord has been preparing me for. Was it easy? No. And there were tears, as I re-lived the shame of my past once more. I was met with kindness and understanding and most importantly of all, prayer and scripture. We stood in agreement believing that God can restore and heal every broken place. More words of love and affirmation followed…I’m finding it hard to fathom the depth and breadth of this kind of encouragement, love and understanding. It is truly a gift from The Father Himself. Thank You Lord.

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.”
‭‭James‬ ‭1:17‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Doing a new thing…

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Lately I’ve been feeling like I need a change in my career. Where I am is not bringing me the satisfaction it once did. I feel stunted and hemmed in. There has to be more…

I feel ungrateful speaking like this. The Lord has brought me so far and has done so much for me and my little family. Five years ago, he saw fit to allow me to qualify and become a fully fledged teacher in 9 short months….now I feel like I’ve had enough. I know it’s probably the fact that in the midst of a pandemic, life has been a challenge, especially navigating this strange ‘new world’ we find ourselves in and raising three growing children, single handedly. I’ve got to the point where I’m convinced that there has to be more. There has to be. This can’t be it.

I’m seeking the Lord’s face as to what my next move should be…..I’m convinced it must be linked, in part, to this new season I find myself in. Love has been awoken and we have been speaking seriously about our future together and what our family and life will look like. It is exciting and it is so like God to begin to make me feel uncomfortable and dissatisfied when He wants me to make a move. I’m just very unsure of what that next move looks like right now and so I continue to wait on my beloved Saviour and sit at His feet. I trust Him with my life. I’ve been here before. Having to make moves, having to wait. He always comes through. He always makes a way. He is always faithful. He will always be my God. He never changes. Hallelujah!

“Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.”

Isaiah 43:19 KJV

Always chasing after The King…

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As believers of Jesus Christ, it is so important we consistently pursue Him in every season. He must forever be The King of our hearts. It doesn’t matter if we are in abundance or lack. In the midst of grief or full of joy, the Lord must reign.

When Jesus is exalted in our lives, we are not swayed by ever changing feelings, disappointments or unmet needs. When our confidence is in Jesus, who is the same yesterday, today and forever, we can rest in the blessed assurance of who He says He is. The I AM that I AM. Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, The Prince of Peace, Our Mighty Counsellor, The Great Physician, Our Bright and Morning Star, Our Lily of the Valley, The Rose of Sharon, Our Redeemer, Restorer. In Him there is joy unspeakable.

It is so important that when God blesses us, we do not turn our focus onto that which He has blessed us with. The things of this world can not replace the goodness of God. The things of this world can and will disappoint, mislead and leave us empty at times, but God promises never to leave us nor forsake us when we choose to abide in Him. Our hope, confidence and joy should always be in Him and Him alone. He is worthy.

“This is what the Lord says: “Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans, who rely on human strength and turn their hearts away from the Lord. They are like stunted shrubs in the desert, with no hope for the future. They will live in the barren wilderness, in an uninhabited salty land. “But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.”
‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭17:5-7‬ ‭NLT‬‬

L.O.V.E

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For over 7 years the Lord has kept me to Himself. There were times it didn’t make sense, there were times the pain was unbearable, but through it all He was right there with me. Comforting me, moulding me, nurturing me, preparing me.

In over 7 years the Lord has taught me so much about myself. He has not wasted a moment. Every second contributing to refining, restoring, refreshing a broken, weary soul. These years have been spent sitting at the feet of my Father, delving into scripture, leaning into Jesus, understanding His words, His ways, His heart. Seeking revelation on His true design for marriage, for family for relationships. It has been beautiful and it has been necessary. The road that needed to be travelled in order to equip me with the godly qualities Yahweh wanted to bestow upon me. Fruit that is now bearing forth as I walk boldly and excitedly into this new season of love and companionship.

In all His grace and mercy The Lord has seen fit to allow my path to collide with a man of God who sees the beauty of Jesus. Who understands the ways of the Lord and His design for marriage and love. There truly is nothing too hard for the Lord. I can testify.

“I am the Lord, the God of all the peoples of the world. Is anything too hard for me?”
‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭32:27‬ ‭NLT‬‬

When God says it’s time…

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Yesterday, words of love were shared in perfect unity.

The feelings had been building for some time and had intensified to the point they could no longer be confined within the depths of our fertile hearts…

Time is not standing still but rapidly moving forward….no stone is being left unturned as we seek to honour God with this union of two souls. It still feels surreal. After all this time has love truly been awakened? The kind of love that pleases God? The kind of love that stands the test of time? The kind of love that submits to the will of The Father?

I stand in awe as my Lord and Saviour showers me with the fruit of my labour.

I adore You Lord. Your faithfulness knows no bounds.

“Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy.”

Psalms 126:5 NLT

The vision of God…

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Hey friends, I’ve been meaning to fill you in on what happened after I wrote this post. You can read about it here, before I go on to reveal the outcome. Well of course my God came through in an epic way. All those years and months spent worrying and agonising over how He would work it out, when all I needed to be doing was praising Him for what He had already done and was doing in the midst. God is a provider, a sustainer and a way maker. 7 years of single motherhood and the Lord has set my feet on the solid rock of Christ. He has supernaturally provided for my children and I over and over again. A home that belongs to us, food on the table, clothes on our backs, love in our hearts!! Hallelujah!!!

God’s continuous faithfulness got me thinking about this new season I find myself in. A season that I’ve prayed and hoped for, for many years and which has come when the world has been turned upside down by a pandemic. In the midst of the impossible, God has made possible the meeting of two people, with two very similar sets of circumstances, who are on the same page when it comes to the things of God. W.O.W. It is still new and we are both earnestly seeking God for His clarity and wisdom. We want to see how He sees the situation, we want His will to be done, we want Him to get the glory from this union and this can only be achieved if what has been sent is from Him. We are slowly beginning to believe it is.

It is exciting when God gives you His vision. His vision is bestowed when you ask Him in prayer for your mind to be renewed, when your heart desires everything He desires, when all that matters is your obedience to Him, His word and His ways. The path to righteousness is narrow and it is not easy, but there is safety along that path, there is counsel along that path, there is joy everlasting along that narrow path. Do not misunderstand me, it is a challenging path to walk along, but when God is for us, who can be against us? When we abide in the vine, He equips us with His power to overcome any difficult thing. In our deepest weakness, He is our greatest strength. He must increase, we must decrease. Praise Him!

When individually and as a couple you walk closely with Jesus, when individually and as a couple you chase after Him with all that you are, when individually and as a couple you sit quietly at His feet and listen eagerly to His voice, when individually and as a couple you are quick to obey His utterings. This is the sweet place of God glorifying fruitfulness. Hallelujah!!! We are so excited about the future.

Since we have both made many errors in the past with our relationships, we are extremely sensitive to the fact that we don’t want to make the same errors again. We both realise that in the past, God was never invited into our relationships in the first place, so how could He be expected to bless or make right a union that was not built upon Him? Of course, God can turn any situation around regardless if He is in it or not. He has and continues to do so for many relationships. Sadly for me, that wasn’t my portion and for a long time I had to make peace and heal from the fact that I hadn’t invited God to dwell in any area of my life, so how could I extend an invitation to someone I didn’t know? How could I expect Him to restore and rebuild a relationship He had not been asked to help build when it first began? Thank God things are different now, that The good Lord in all His redemptive grace, love and mercy, saw fit to burst into my heart in the summery month of July 2012, save my soul and turn my whole life around. What majestic things He has done since. Yes there were soul crushingly painful times along the way, but what He has done in and through my life has been truly miraculous and He continues to leave me in absolute awe.

Friends understand me, I was beginning to lose hope in ever finding friendship with a godly man. A man who truly believes in The Lord and who He is. A man who does not scoff at the ways of The Father and think you have lost your mind, when you mention no sex or physical intimacy before marriage, a man who understands why you are asking for prayer and prays without question, a man who knows the battle we face is spiritual…..if I’m honest, before this new season burst in my life unexpectedly, I was learning to be at peace with my singleness and truth be known I was at peace. God’s peace wrapped itself around me and life as a single mother no longer felt like a burden but a blessing. Jesus was and is my all in all. In the midst of everything that is going on right now Lord, Let me never ever lose sight of You. You are Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. Every good gift comes from You and I want to continuously bring glory to Your name and draw others to You through my life and the testimony of what you have done for me and my family. I love You eternally.

“Loving God means keeping his commandments, and his commandments are not burdensome.”

1 John 5:3 NLT