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Waiting is hard. Even harder when you no longer quite know what it is you’re waiting for or if it will ever come.

I’m in a season where I’m quite uncomfortable, but I know what I want will not take my discomfort away, if anything it’ll just shift to another area of my life. *SIGH*

I’m trying really hard not to throw myself a pity party but I’m growing increasingly frustrated….

And then.…. He speaks to me and says;

‘Where is your faith? Have I not already moved mountains for you? Do not be dismayed, the mountains that you perceive, are my way of building your character in preparation for the places I am about to take you.’

I am floored and the pity party has to end as I rejoice once again in the one whom my soul loves.

Thank You for Your endless kindness and patience towards me Lord. Thank You for speaking to my weary soul and renewing my spirit as I wait in You. You are awesome God. There is none in all of heaven and earth like You.

“The Lord is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him.”

‭‭Lamentations‬ ‭3:25‬ ‭




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Friends I’m expectant. I am filled with much hope for the future. Jesus has done and continues to do such a powerful work in my life that I am convinced He has anointed me with the spiritual eyes to see what He sees. Hallelujah!!

In the natural, my situation appears unfair, overwhelming, challenging, BUT GOD!! He has given me the wisdom to look beyond my circumstances…don’t get me wrong there are still moments when I grumble and get impatient, but more and more I’m taking my complaints to Jesus. Only He can equip me with the strength and insight to seek peace when my flesh wants to rise up in absolute irritation. Only He can rationalise my irrational, ever changing emotions. Only He can shift the hearts and minds of the hard hearted and so I turn to Him. My one and only true Counsellor, Saviour and Friend.

I’m expectant because after nearly 6 years of singleness, I believe the Lord has transformed the  condition of my broken and battered heart. There is still more work to be done but I am not the woman I used to be. Praises!!!

I am expectant because His word says it is not good for man to be alone. I’ve spent most of my thirties alone and although I know Jesus is more than enough for me, I am convinced He is preparing one of His faithful sons to come and find me. I am convinced He has a plan to draw others to Himself through our testimony. 

Just today, I read a post on a blog which confirmed exactly what the Lord had already spoke to my heart.

I am expectant. 

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
Matthew 19:26

What God has taught me in 2017


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Sorry to begin this post with a cliché, but this year has flooooown by….. 

As I get older the years seem to merge into a blur, but praise be to King Jesus who continues to mould me into His image for His name’s sake. He has taught me so much this year…

1. Hard work, although painful and challenging pays off. 2017 was the year I completed my teacher training and became a qualified teacher. It has not been an easy road and even as I navigate through the early stages of my teaching career I am still often struck at how intense it is and how much is expected of teachers. BUT GOD! Through Him and with Him by my side I am able to take one day at a time because His mercies really are new every morning.

2. I’m way stronger and braver than I think I am. I took my three children to Barbados. On my own. Who but GOD? Enough said.

3. Other people are not always the problem. Most of the time it’s me and the way I’m viewing an issue. Again this is another very hard lesson, but this is about spiritual growth. I was finding I was getting irritated by other people’s actions and attitudes and it was really robbing me of my peace. Then God said, I am no better than those who are annoying me, in fact I am worse because I’m supposed to have Christ within me and allow His spirit to work through me so I am able to stay focused on Him in my times of intense irritation towards others. I should be praying for those people who irk me to be touched by a revelation of God or ask God to reveal the lesson He is trying to teach me. I should be praying for God to work on my character so He can use me to be a light to those He has placed in my sphere of influence…..
…..which follows nicely onto my next learned lesson….

4. I am always being watched. Especially by my children. Do my actions glorify Christ?

5. I always want to blend into the background and go unnoticed, when God has placed gifts and talents within me that must be shared. Being accepted into my church worship team has provided a first step in this direction and I’m certain in 2018 God is going to provide me with many more opportunities to make His name great.
Thank You Jesus!

Christmas without my children…


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Being a single mother is hard for a number of reasons. For me, the main struggle has been having to depend on others for support. We are not this neat, nuclear  unit that  has it all together. Quite often I feel behind, I know this feeling is not of God, because what does ‘behind’ even mean? The Lord has done so much for me and my children and yet still when I take my eyes of Jesus, even for a split second, and look at how the world depicts the ideal family, it doesn’t reflect mine.  

Of course, I realise it is biblical for a man and women to be joined in holy matrimony and then to raise the fruit of that union together within their unit, but what happens when you get it all so terribly, awfully wrong? What happens when you don’t even realise the beautiful plan that God had for your life until you already started doing things your own way, and although you are extremely blessed, there are consequences you need to walk out. 

It’s one of the most painful life lessons I’ve had to learn….

…so today I’m walking out another consequence of my sin. My children are spending Christmas with their Dad and his family. I’m getting ready to go to church, because even though my situation is not what I would have planned for my life, I know God is walking me through this. Strengthening me, upholding me, refreshing me.

It feels strange to be the mother of three children and wake up on Christmas morning to pure silence. I guess I should ask God to renew my mind and change my perspective because there are many single parents, heck even parents, who would relish a moments peace right now.

Lord, help me to see what you see. Help me to see the God in every circumstance that appears to hinder me. Help me to realise I lack no good thing when I am hidden in You.

Have a gloriously blessed Christmas everybody!

When you can’t do it all…


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It’s a strange season I seem to be in. There are lots of opportunities coming my way, lots of decisions to make and things to change and improve, however I feel as though I’m lacking the drive and motivation to get it all done. I’m running out of steam.

Just over a month ago, it was my eldest daughter’s birthday actually, I received the fantastic news that I was successful at my audition to join my church’s worship team. My church is big and my children and I have been attending for nearly a year, but have found it difficult to make connections due to the size of the congregation. Signing up for different ministries and attending church events has helped me to make friends and feel part of a church family. I’ve still a way to go, but I’m confident God will set up the right connections at the right time…..anyway back to the exciting news about being part of the worship team. The team is pretty big, over 70 people, so there’s a rota and when you get selected to sing on a particular Sunday, you have to attend a two and a half hour rehearsal on the previous Wednesday evening. So far so good and I’ve met some great people so far.
With it being the Christmas season, there were a flurry of services the worship team were expected to be a part of, the schedule was quite intense, with those taking part expected to be at church at 8am on Sunday, to rehearse before the 9:30am and then 11:30am services. This is where I began to struggle. My children are not morning people, I struggle to get them up for school and so when I realised the early start for church I began to get anxious. Earlier in the month my daughters and I had successfully executed the routine and they actually loved being at church early and being part of two children’s church services, however getting them up was still painful.

Fast forward two weeks later and this time I would have all three children to contend with *yikes.* I warned them they had to get to bed early the night before, but since it’s the holidays and they’re kind of out of their usual bedtime routines, that fell on deaf ears and quite frankly, I’m tired of continuously nagging my children to do things. Not to mention, hair needed doing, the girls and my own, clothes needed sorting, breakfast needed preparing, this all needed to happen before leaving the house at 7:30am. I admitted defeat, I couldn’t do it. As its Christmas Eve, my children are a part of the 5pm evening nativity service, that would mean all day out of the house and I had no idea on what I was going to do to fill the time between the morning and evening services, plus I have to drop them at their Dad’s this evening after church because they are spending Christmas with him and his family this year *sob*……

In all honesty I’m beginning to feel like a huge failure…here I have these opportunities I’ve been praying for and yet my hands feel tied. I am weary.


He spoke to my troubled spirit late last night and told me to use wisdom. Expecting my children to attend three church services, when I was feeling so overwhelmed and disorganised was unnecessary. The worship team would do just fine without me, even though I want to make an impact, my time will come. For now I have to focus on organising that which is within my grasp. So here I am this morning, sharing my thoughts in this post and after giving my children a big cooked breakfast, something I haven’t been able to achieve in months, I’m going to finish wrapping the last of the Christmas presents and have a massive tidy up. This evening I will take my children to church to perform in their nativity, then I will drop them off at their Dad’s. On Christmas Day, I will go to church, lift up the mighty name of Jesus and praise Him for all He has done, is doing and continues to do for my family and I. Hallelujah!

Sometimes in life, we want to do it all at the expense of our sanity and peace. I thank God for showing me that it’s OK to say no. It’s OK to be still. Thank You Jesus for being my defender and my peace. Thank You for continuously showing me the beauty that can be found in brokenness. Thank You for giving me a story to tell. Glory to Your name.

“The name of the LORD is a strong tower: the righteous runneth into it, and is safe.”

Proverbs 18:10

Encouraging yourself in The Lord…


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Lately I’ve been feeling discouraged. Really discouraged. Everything just feels hard, nothing seems to be going my way, I’m tired, I’m lonely, I feel like I’m given my all and yet nothing is falling into place….



“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”  Hebrews 11:1 


I can’t see my victory, but it is there and I must walk in it. I must have faith and trust God that He is working everything out for my good and He is. The Lord Himself encouraged me to look back at where I’ve come from and my, my, my He has done GREAT things!! Just this week I had to provide my teaching qualification for an end of term assessment and just holding that piece of paper in my hand revealed the power of God at work in my life. I’m a qualified professional who is managing to hold down a demanding career… and raise three full of life children as a single mother. Praise be to God who has blessed me with an understanding mother and father who have helped support me mentally and emotionally through this difficult journey. Jesus truly is a fence. He has protected me from so much and shone His favour on my life.

It’s so easy for me to focus on where I want to be instead of where God is taking me. He knows my beginning from my end. I need to abide in Him and continue to walk by faith and not sight because He is ABLE!

Did I hear you right God?


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Life has been plain tough lately.
I’m not enjoying teaching. It’s draining. I can never seem to switch off and the workload is never ending. The expectations placed upon teachers is phenomenal and I’m drowning under the pressure of it all.

I’m physically tired and feel like I have nothing much left to give. On more than one occasion I have wondered if I even heard the Lord correctly. Did He even want me to be a teacher? Was it my own selfish desires that drove me towards this difficult path? I know God’s grace is sufficient and in my weakness He is strong, but I feel alone. Finding time to pray and feast on The Word is hard. 

In all honesty I’m beginning to feel quite depressed. My life has become a tiresome cycle of work, home and sleep. Even when I am at home I’m working, trying to get my head around the next plan and the next week of lessons and the never ending flood of marking.  I feel so ungrateful for grumbling about what I asked the Lord to give me. What a wretch I am, but thanks be to Jesus who sees my struggle…

In spite of my low mood right now, I am convinced there is something miraculous about to happen in my life. This is a battle and I know the Lord is on my side and He is working things out for my good. 

Help me to see what You see Jesus. Renew my strength O God. He who began a good work in me is faithful to perform…

….and then 10!


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To my sweet first born. You were due to arrive on Christmas Day, but you were so eager to make your entrance, you decided to make an appearance on Monday 19th November instead. 

Five weeks early and just 5lbs you were and still are a fighter. That was 10 whole years ago now and I can’t explain how quickly the years have gone, but I remember how your arrival into this world made me a Mother for the first time. 

I know I don’t tell you this enough and I promise to do better, but you are a complete joy. You are forever laughing and giggling and seeing the best in every situation. Never change that about yourself my dear daughter. Those qualities will keep you fighting strong, when the storms of life try to bring you down. You love Jesus and you love to draw and sing. Never let go of Jesus my love. He is your Saviour, protector and friend and through Him, nothing shall be impossible for you. 

Happy 10th birthday my beautiful first born. I love you and I have been truly blessed by God to have you. Thank You Jesus!

Trusting God in ALL things.


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Today I had my top wisdom teeth taken out. To say I was anxious about it is an understatement.

You see, ten years ago I had my bottom two out and the experience was horrid. I’d given birth to my first born five months earlier and although the procedure of having my teeth taken out was fine the healing afterwards was awful. This dreadful experience left me fearing having to go through anything like this again, so a few months ago when my dentist told me my top wisdom teeth had to go I was not a happy bunny.

But…..Thank God that He is GOD!! 

Today I had the procedure and it was NOTHING like my experience 10 years before. My God hears and answers prayers. I prayed for the dental team to be guided by His hand and they were so kind and considerate to me. I prayed for protection during the procedure, limited pain and a speedy recovery and let me tell you friends I had virtually no bleeding, swelling or pain!! Hallelujah to my King!! He is so very faithful!! Even in the midst of my sinful worrying and despair, He steps in and shows me He is God and He is able!!

I don’t know why, but I’m forever doubting that God has got me, so often I allow fear to overtake me, yet time and time again my patient Father whispers to me that He is for me, He is with me, I am His!!

Jesus I thank You for never giving up on me, I thank You for stepping into my circumstances in the midst of my unbelief and demonstrating who You are time and time again. You continue to astound me every day and today I wept tears of joy as I marvelled at Your loving kindness all over again. You truly are and always will be the one and only true lover of my soul.

“But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us. We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;”

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭4:7-9‬ ‭KJV‬‬

The problem with cowardice 


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Dear Lord,

I really don’t know where to start. You have been so very good to me and yet so often, I feel as though I am failing you.

I don’t defend Your name as I should. I don’t speak against what is not of You. I feel like a coward. 

Almost daily, I hear your name called out in vain. My soul cries out in distress and yet my mouth says nothing to rebuke the mouth from where the blasphemy was spoken. 

Today, a Muslim work colleague used my classroom, to bow down and pray to a god I don’t believe in. As I sat there marking books, she prayed. It lasted mere minutes. My spirit was deeply troubled yet my mouth uttered not one word in challenge. I am at a loss for what to do. 

I am a coward. 

I am scared because I don’t want to shun or alienate – ( I did that to my childrens father and he has run so far away from Jesus, I wonder if he’ll ever turn back) and yet I can not stand by and let my God be completely disrespected and my spirit grieved in this way. My God deserves more. 

Lord help me to be bold and to speak Your truth in love. Empower and protect me Lord. You are my portion forever.