It has been busy.
I’m in deep with my Teacher Training. It is overwhelming but I’m clinging onto Jesus…
It’s hard because I haven’t been able to make it to my church. I’m so busy all the time, work is suffocating me, my children are ushered about in a military style fashion everyday…it’s becoming impossible for me to find time to completely unwind….
Always on the go, always tired, hardly ever still….
And then the gentleman who I thought God had brought into my life has been a little disappointing…maybe I’m expecting too much, maybe I’ve got things all wrong, but I found myself becoming increasingly distracted and confused by the situation….
…and really at my stage in life, I don’t have the head space to be working out what is or isn’t going on. I think because I was attracted to certain aspects of his personality, I wanted and maybe expected more from a situation that didn’t exist….
This episode has highlighted the dull ache I have in my soul to be loved by another human being, as Christ has ordained. I know my worth is found in Christ and not man, but the prospect of Christ sending flesh to demonstrate His unending love for me….the thought alone leaves me speechless….and very weak. Help me Jesus!!
What worries me is that the attention I was receiving from this man over the past several weeks has reignited my desire for love.
Finding love now seems to have become an idol in the soil of my heart. It saddens me that my sinful nature won’t allow Christ to be enough for me…continue to fight for me Lord…..I need you…