Over the past few days and weeks I’m beginning to get a real understanding of what God saved me from when He allowed the relationship between my children’s father and I to end.
The process was horrendous and I cringe when I read my journal from the early days of the break up. Everything was so raw, so brutal, so painful, BUT PRAISE BE TO JESUS for healing, for growth. He truly binds wounds. Hallelujah!!!
I look at my ex and he is very much the same person he was when we broke up more than two years ago. I look at myself and from the outside everything appears the same. I’m still single, still living at home with my parents and my children, still struggling and striving to make a way, BUT I’m not the completely broken woman I used to be. No way!! I have a song in my spirit and a joy in my heart. Jesus has made me whole. He is what my heart truly desires, my soul longs for Him.
Today at church we sung the very song that speaks those words….’As the deer pants for the water’. The deepest part of my spirit was touched supernaturally as the song was ministered, and I found myself crying out to my Saviour. The tears flowed freely as my soul poured out in worship to The One whom my soul loves. He alone is my hearts desire, He alone is my strength and shield….
….this week was hard as my flesh battled with the yearning for physical touch, for intimacy. I miss being someone’s lover, but now that I am in Christ I know that there is so much more to relationships than sex and romance. I yearn for a Christ connection. I yearn for the man God has for me, but today God touched me in the places where my soul ached the most and He made it known that when all is said and done He is enough.
I am so glad that God didn’t allow me to settle for what I thought was His best for my life. I’m so thankful for His patience and His mercy. I am so thankful that He is allowing me to see that His way is the better way. The joy of The Lord is my strength and those who have journeyed with me along the way are seeing a change in my countenance. They know how far I have come and what The Lord has brought me through. He has turned my mourning into dancing and made beauty from my ashes.
Thank you Lord