I have a confession to make. I believe the Lord wanted/wants me to pray for the full restoration of my relationship with my children’s Father.
It sounds bizarre, crazy and ridiculous, but in the core of my spirit this is what I believe He wants me to do, and yet I can’t.
My ex has moved on. Waaaay on. Three years ago, merely a week after we officially called time on our nine year relationship, which birthed three beautiful and miraculous children, he found a new love and quickly made her a Mother too.
How can I pray to restore one relationship when another would be left in tatters? Not to mention the mountains of hurt and the complexities that having children within relationships bring. I would have to deal with the other woman and the daughter they share, which happens to be my children’s sister, for the rest of my life. Such. A. Shambles.
Maybe the Lord is not urging me to do this after all.
It’s too messy, too much heartache, too much work. How can I be expected to pray to be reconciled with a man who betrayed me so deeply? I look at my life without him in it and I’m doing so much better than when we were together.
Of course my soul aches for our children and the somewhat jumbled lives they have to lead because their parents aren’t together, but I’m doing my best to make a good life for them in spite of the fractured status of our home. Yes becoming a family once more would be a dream come true, but we are not the same people we once were. I’m in love with Jesus. My ex is not. How can oil and water mix? What fellowship can light have with darkness??
…and yet the still, small voice of Jesus keeps saying; ‘forgive him as I have forgiven you. Love him, as I love you.’
Yes Jesus, I forgive him and as the Father of my children I have love for him, but restoration has to be taking things too far surely? I can’t see how it could ever happen. I know Your ways are higher than mine, but reconciliation seems a pipe dream. Too much water has gone under the bridge, too much pain has been felt, too many ties severed, too many dreams lost….
When we first split, I prayed continuously for his salvation and for us to be reconciled in a Christ centred marriage, making right all our previous wrongs, but things only got worse, so much worse.
The pain of unanswered prayer can cause so much bitterness if you let it.
After months of brokenness and many sleepless nights I chose to wipe away my tears, pull up my big girl pants and strive to make a better life for my children and I and by the grace of God He is enabling me to do it….
Praying for reconciliation seems like such a backward step but praying for my ex’s salvation brings me peace so that is what I shall continue to do and leave GOD to do the rest.
“I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.”
Luke 15:7 KJV