People can be very strange creatures sometimes. None more so than me. I’ve been battling issues with an overactive thyroid for some years now. It started when I fell pregnant with my eldest daughter, then seemed to resolve itself post birth, then flared back up whenever I’ve fallen pregnant or been under stress. I’m now at the point where it’s really beginning to impact my life and I’m tired of it. Really tired of it. The latest flare up a few months ago saw me have to resign from a job I felt was heaven sent (in hindsight, maybe it wasn’t), as the doctors and I struggled to get my out of control symptoms under control.
So, as you can imagine this attack on my health has really knocked me. As a relatively young mother of three young children I need to be fit, strong and healthy to raise them and by the grace of God He is giving me the strength to do just that, but that’s about all I am able to do.
Going out with friends, travelling on public transport, doing things I usually wouldn’t bat an eyelid to are all a bit of a struggle for me lately. I know a lot of what I’m feeling is probably all in my head, but it gets tiring when you have to talk yourself into doing things, which previously were a walk in the park. I’m tired of explaining to people how I feel and them not getting it. None more so than my own family members. That hurts. I think they no longer know how to respond to me. I am the eldest of four and I’ve always been Miss ‘I don’t need anyone for nothing.’ The strong headed, go getter, but now I feel vulnerable, fragile, mortal. And no one gets it. *sigh*
They don’t seem to get that I’m not perfect and neither are they. I stumble, I mess up, I’m human. Yes I love Jesus and yes I can do all things through Him because He gives me strength, but it still gets hard sometimes….*weeps*
People want me to do things like I did before, not knowing how difficult it is currently for me to make that step. It’s a process and I will get there, but it won’t happen overnight, at least God doesn’t seem to want it to. I know I have to do my part, trust and have faith, but it can get so disheartening, when things ‘look’ so impossible. The Lord knows I want Him to miraculously heal me of this condition immediately, but that doesn’t seem to be His plan right now. I know by His stripes I am already healed, but until the full manifestation is realised, I pray He will pour upon me a spirit of unshakeable faith and praise until like Paul and Silas the shackles of this disease are broken free in the name of Jesus! Praise be to God!
‘And at midnight Paul and Silas prayed, and sang praises unto God: and the prisoners heard them. And suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison were shaken: and immediately all the doors were opened, and every one’s bands were loosed.’ (Acts 16:25-26 KJV)