Have you ever been completely certain in your spirit that God is on the brink of doing something absolutely miraculous in your life, something that you thought would transform your life for the better, only for things to fall apart in a way you could never possibly imagine?
However, it is now that I can see that those things falling apart, meant that The Lord was able to rebuild my life in the way He had always intended.
I can’t lie, this knocking down and building back up is an extremely painful and humbling process and if you are not firmly rooted in the word of God and surrounded by strong, prayerful, Christ centred brothers and sisters in Christ it is very easy to get sucked into a horrible cycle of self-loathing, depression and worthlessness. When someone is in pain it is hard for them to fathom life beyond the pain. Everything looks pointless and difficult. This was my life not so long ago. Brighter days seemed so far off, but they can and they will come back. I can testify.
Which brings me to the point of this post.
Over these past few days and weeks I sense The Lord making a shift in my life, I have said it before, but I really believe I have stepped into a new season, where The Lord now sees fit for me to build upon the solid rock He has graciously laid down under my feet. Something ridiculously magnificent is about to happen and I want to backflip out of the front door and praise my God!
I am nervous too, because I do seem to be very distracted. Namely by social media. Reading blogs, writing blog posts, Instagram and Pinterest. None of these are necessarily bad things, but when they are pulling you away from what God is urging you to do, it becomes a problem. A big one and it’s called idolatry. Social media and its instant gratification has become addictive. I have to fight to put God in first place.
I need to be focused.
The Lord is whispering me to go deeper with Him, deeper into His word, so He can take me up higher, but I find it so hard to centre on Him and Him alone.
As well as social media distractions, part of the problem is also small pockets of doubt which crush my belief. I have been here before; when I thought The Lord was saying something, I got all excited for the manifestation, and so when the complete opposite happened I was left feeling foolish, angry, disappointed.
I realise these are wrong attitudes to have. God is not a genie. He is not here to give us what we want when we want it. He is more concerned with our souls than our happiness, and since He already saw fit to save my soul, a soul that was separated from Him and was destined for an eternity of suffering, my very salvation should be enough for me. And it shames and embarrasses me to confess that often it isn’t. Where I am now is not where I want to be. I feel stifled, like I can’t operate at my maximum potential for Jesus where I am.
I am reminded of the sunflower seed my son bought home from nursery several months ago. In order for it to grow and flourish I have had to keep repotting it as it’s roots dug deeper to draw from the richness of the earth. If I had let it stay in the small, restricted pot it was originally planted in, it would have outgrown it’s environment. Depleted all of it’s resources, wilted and died. The small pots served their divine purpose, now it was time to move on to the next level and be placed in the ground, where it would find all that it needed to fully thrive and bare fruit.
Today that little sunflower seed is a seven foot strong plant, it is flourishing with big green leaves and on the verge of bursting forth its magnificent fruit of brilliant yellow petals for all to enjoy and the glory of The Lord to be magnified. The Lord keeps telling me that the day that sunflower blooms will be the day my breakthrough will be made manifest. It may sound foolish and often I find it hard to believe what it is I am hearing, but there is no denying the excitement that bubbles within. My spirit leaps, at the extraordinary timing of My God.
It is because of these signs and wonders, and so much more that I truly believe change is about to come in my life. The Lord sees, He knows. I often grieve at my selfishness. Why can’t I just be happy where I am? Where is the joy of my salvation? Why can’t I consistently praise Jesus in my current circumstances? I can and I do, but it’s hard. Especially when I am certain The Lord has more for me. I know there is more.
Lord I am sorry that my faithfulness to you seems so fleeting at times. Lord help me to shut out the distractions of this world. Help me to make time for you, to be faithful to you, to put you first in all things. Lord, help me to look past my past disappointments. Your mercies are new every morning and when You didn’t give me, what I thought I wanted and needed, it is because You knew You had better for me ahead. Lord you are my rock and my fortress. You are there with me, when everyone else has gone. Lord You died for me, so that I could live for You. Renew my mind Lord, restore to me the joy of my salvation. Help me to continue believing in You, rejoicing in You, pursuing You, even when it is hard. Especially when it is hard. Help me to see the blessings you have bestowed on my life in every area of my life, no matter how small. Never let me leave You Lord. My life is only worth living with You in it. I love You, I thank You, I praise Your holy name. Amen!
And just like that, the Holy Ghost draws me to this scripture. I wrote about it here.
‘Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.’
Wow Lord! It truly is Your power invading my spirit, pushing me with all that I am to have hope in what is to come. Although I can’t see it, my spiritual eyes can and it is here and I am in awe. Faith as small as a mustard seed, truly does move mountains.