I’m disappointed that I’m going to have to start this post in this way, but bear with me…..
I’m struggling with disillusionment at the moment. It seems for a long time now I’ve been in a season of testing, testing, testing, testing and more testing. Don’t get me wrong, there have been moments of inexplicable joy when I focus on Jesus and all He has done for me, I’ve come so far….but still the day to day is sooo, very, hard.
I love Jesus with all my mind, heart and soul so feeling this way troubles me, but then I’m human. And humans fail. I fail. Daily…
Nothing is easy right now. Nothing. I know life is not meant to be easy. God does not promise an easy life, but being able to share my struggles in this way helps put everything in perspective. Everything feels difficult….My children are challenging, my career is challenging, my home life is challenging…I feel as though I NEVER get a break…..and then I feel so ungrateful for feeling this way…I’m TIRED!
I turn to His word and it pierces the spirit of depression that threatens to overwhelm my soul. I look to The One who calms storms, heals broken hearts and casts out demons and I am reassured that to everything there is a season, even if this difficult season seems never ending. My Saviour tells me that although I am hard pressed on every side I am not crushed because He is with me. I may be perplexed, I may not understand why I am being tested so extensively, but God knows. He has a plan. There is a purpose for my struggle.
Help me to see that I am not alone Lord, help me to stop feeling abandoned and forgotten Lord. Help me to find joy and peace in my portion Jesus.