Most of the time these days, I really can’t work out what exactly it is The Lord is trying to do.
Especially when I seem to be repeatedly finding myself in situations which leave me exposed, vulnerable and embarrassed.
Take yesterday for instance, my friend and I had arranged to go to a polo match and banquet we had been invited to by a teacher supply agency we do a lot of business with.
For weeks we discussed our childcare plans, our outfits, our excitement for the event ahead and then the day comes…….
and I am sick. *weeps*
It all went wrong I suppose when I tried to cram too many things into the morning. Getting the children washed, dressed and fed, taking my son to football for an hour then bringing him back, getting my clothes organised for the polo and the work party later in the evening, getting the children organised for a party they had later in the afternoon which their Dad was taking them to. All this before 11:30am, and all on an empty stomach and blistering hot day.
At about 9:10am I started to feel the first throbs of an oncoming headache, but with so much to do before meeting my friend at 12pm, I couldn’t or rather I didn’t take the time to stop and be kind to myself.
Once the children were sorted and ready to go, I got dressed, did my hair and make up and set off to my friend’s house. I didn’t feel great, but was certain that once I got to the venue, ate some food and had time to unwind I’d start to feel better. Wrong. Very wrong.
We got a bit lost on our way there, which stressed both of us out a little and of course didn’t help my headache. Then when we arrived, we sat outside on the glorious balcony, admiring the views. I’d left my sunglasses in the car and the sun beat down in full force. I drank lots of iced water to keep hydrated and nibbled on the canapés being offered at five minute intervals. I was still seriously hungry though and craved a banana and some carbs.
Soon after, we were called to the lavish banqueting hall for lunch and things pretty much went downhill from there. I just felt awful. I think the fact I’d gone too long without something substantial to eat had completely upset my usual routine and my body just couldn’t co-operate. The look and smell of the otherwise gorgeous food on offer turned my stomach and my head pounded. I really didn’t want to, but I cried. Would anything ever go right for me again? I thought through my tears.
I felt bad for my friend, because like me she is a Mother of three bubba’s and doesn’t get to attend lavish events like this often. She was really enjoying herself and she tried to coax me into eating something and assured me that I’d feel fine after taking some painkillers, but I know my body and I just had to get home.
We left swiftly, because at this point I really thought I was going to throw up. The combination of the sweltering heat and my thumping head turned my stomach even more. I prayed The Lord would keep me as I sped towards my friends house to drop her home. I had a sick bowl in my boot which my Mum had given me a few weeks ago for my children, who would have thought I’d be the one to use it.
As I stopped at the traffic lights, my friend jumped out to get the bowl. I really don’t think she thought I’d need it, yet as soon as I placed it on my lap, I began to vomit. Lots.
A combination of the copious amounts of water I had drunk before hand was definitely a contributing factor to the amount that came up. At every red light I threw up more and my friend had to empty it into the road, so the bowl wouldn’t overflow….
If the whole situation wasn’t so completely embarrassing it’d be comical….
To be honest it reminded me a lot of my pre- saved days, when the sickness would have been due to drinking. Obviously no driving would have been involved back then…..
Now, here I found myself, a 36 year old mother of three, driving with my friend of 25 years, who I’ve only very recently reconnected with, spewing my guts out whilst trying to get home. Only my Mother and Father have ever seen me like this, and maybe my ex when I was suffering with terrible pregnancy sickness.
Then to top it all off when I got to my friends house I felt too ill to drive home straightaway, so I fell asleep on her sofa, so deeply it seems, that I began SNORING!!! Sweet JESUS NOOOO!!!!! AND…..she filmed it!!! *sobs*
This of course would be totally hilarious, but I can’t help but feel that as a believer, I must appear as such a laughing stock to the unbeliever.
My friend although she acknowledges there is someone or something higher than ourselves out there, she doesn’t really believe in God. I have shared my faith and testimony with her, but she doesn’t truly understand or ‘get it’, which is fine; (well of course it isn’t fine, but I have come to understand in the years since I’ve been saved, that all I can do is proclaim my faith and demonstrate the love of God, and trust and pray that the Holy Spirit will convict and transform), but I can’t help feeling that as she looks at my life and the state of it, she’d rather not know the God I serve…. *sigh*
I realise this is all coming from me. She has by no means said or suggested anything of the sort, but I feel as though my witness is so ridiculous at times.
– Single mother
– Living at home with folks
– Enjoys her job, but salary is lower than low
– Subsequently can not purchase own home… yet
– Fed up
And then in the midst of my self pity The Lord spoke to me and said, I am allowing your friend to see all your mishaps and brokenness to show her that you don’t have to have it all together to come to me. I love you beyond all your hurts, your pain and your shame. I am the God who reveals, heals and restores and I will always get all the glory from your story when you put all your hope faith and trust in me.
He then blew me away with this.
I am showing your friend what your life looks like at your lowest, so when I bring you to your highest she will witness for herself what the God you serve can really do!!
My God is something else friends. Truly He is….Thank You JESUS!!!!
And here’s the clip of me sleeping and snoring!! YIKES!! All for Your glory Lord!!